- the cryptic lover -

- useless sunsets-

Funeral for a friend -Drive

"And I wish it was sweeter
The taste of your mouth
Because right now, it hurts too much to be
Closer than this

And with one hard look
I can tell
That you've had enough of these useless sunsets

This could be a movie
And this could be our final act
We don't need these happy endings

So tell your father that
That you're mine
And I'll swear we'll run away
And I'll make a plan and save
Everyone from themselves
And put them in the ground

Sitting in the car
With the radio
Turned to static
Feeling quite tragic
And with one strategic blow
And you find yourself
Back in the hold
That you used to sit so comfortably in"

There really isn't much to brag or complain. My days are filled with activities, attempts to fill the voids.

Shopping trips till my thighs scream for sleep and thus bleeding my bank account to justify the term 'theraupatic spending'; lunches with pals who've been there to hold secrets and garner subtle laughs from me; belting sad love songs in Kbox which is an ironically soothing hobby; coming home as late as I can to avoid the beastly lonesome shadows that hang about the corners.

Sometimes I revel in montony, at times I yearn for a little spice... its all a very precarious balance that's tipping over the edge. To hell with love and loneliness, nothing that money,booze and male company that I can't buy over with. I daresay I am mature enough to move on, but not without hints of advice here and there. Though not all are pleasing to the ear, and some not at all modest in any sense, and one particular one that I find too assumptious (if there really is such a word), all in all if its in the name of concern I send my greatest appreciation.

What strikes me the most, is how a particular friend can be so deluded and full of herself. I do not feel acquainted to her as a best friend, neither does her behaviour appeal to me as that of concern. I find myself a lot more experienced when it comes to relationships, I don't see how her one and only relationship experience can hold a candle against mine. Having said that, neither do I find myself in a very pitiful state, I am aware that I am young and I actually do regard myself as inexperienced still, despite what i've gone through, certain sacrifices that I have chosen to leave untold.

All i can say that one should not dive into presumption when you do not know the full truth that has yet to be told, and never, never, assume you've been through the worst of the worst and that you are fit to dish out criticism and claim others as immature or ill experienced especially if you are the same age as me. No two peope can ever be in the same boat, similar but never entirely the same because relationships are intimate and the full knowledge in the situation can only lie between the two parties that were involved in the whole process.

To live young and fufil my wishes before I reach a point where I will have to live for greater responsibilities is perfectly sane and normal in today's society. If one chooses to hold a conservative and traditional mindset I have no case to go against that, but to project your opinions because of your beliefs is one thing, to openly declare someone immoral based on your preception of ideals is just a selfish act.

Till then, I revel in the comfort of what I am doing now, even if it means I do it without passion but only for comfort, I do it nevertheless because its part of my healing process, and everyone's is different. You can advice, you can air your opinions, you can question, but never, ever, JUDGE.

//sandra.esperanza.