- the cryptic lover -

- Incomprehensible-

so...I was told to update the blog.

Where's there to say really, apart from school and more school and meeting my boy whatever little chance I get...I hardly have a social life...nonewhatsoever.

i've been thinking though... maybe coz of this book titled 'ninteen minutes' by jodi picoult... or maybe coz i just need to tink of smth else other than work.

i've been thinking...

there's this whole incomprehensible aspect of an identity.

many equate the identity crisis to unstable hormonal levels in pubescent teens, we all know deep down there's no dictionary definition or criteria to the notion that you belong' somewhere. the cliques in class expand into the cliques at work, the social circle outside of it, within your family, amongst your supposed friends and acquaintances, the reflection in your mirror...

we've got to be kidding if we say we understand who we are and who we love. In a way, but not entirely, never entirely, that's the reason why religion becomes so essential in so many people's lives, we need to believe that there is a greater being that can fathom what we find so hard to comprehend. that God knows who we really are, and that's why he's the Creator...

The reason why I'm voicing these opinions, is that somehow I came to realize at some point in time, that there isn't a necessity to belong. And that till today, not only myself but many I know, have never found out who they really are. All that bitching about people being two-faced, it makes me think "who isn't?". The mask you pull on when you meet a potential employer, the smile you plaster when you meet a neighbor but back home either you enjoy the comfort of a silent abode or you convince yourself that home is where the heart is and you lose yourself in the warmth others provide you with.

A confidante can strip you off most of your masks, but no one exposes the really raw side of them because even they themselves, are afraid of facing that reality. The ones you love are the ones you turn to, but when you are melting in their embrace, who's to know that deep down, they're burying their intentions of realizing their 'true' self in an effort to stay strong and live, for you?

Living, is to live for others. So do you lose yourself in the end? Or were we born empty, then filled with the expectations and resolutions others bred in us? If it were, then there never was an identity to begin with...

food for thought huh?

go figure.

For me, there's no real 'me', only the 'me' that needs physical and emotional sustainance to keep on breathing. The 'me' that scrutinizes everything that surrounds 'me;. The 'me' that lives for you, and the others that live in turn, for 'me'.

In short baby, I am you and you, are me. :)

//sandra.esperanza.